The Kayla thing walked around her room. Picking up her things, smelling them. They smelled human. Was she human? The Kayla thing didn’t even know anymore. Was she even Kayla? Kayla tried hard to remember her little sister. She remembered her waddling into her room, wanting to brush her hair. Kayla’s fingers…….my fingers……..I am Kayla………I remember her fingers, fat chubby. Cute. Reaching for my hair brush. She liked it because it was bright pink. I would brush her hair. I sit down on the bed. I feel a hollow space where I think I should have a heart. I will never brush my sister’s hair again. Her smile fills my mind. She was just starting to grow teeth. I could picture her beautiful smile. Her teeth would have been straight and white when she was my age. Beautiful. Like her sister. Like her mom. LIke her mom used to be. What have I done?
I stare at my hands. I could see the blood. The blood was everywhere. It was everywhere. I wipe my hands hard on my jeans. I get up and start pacing, I picture my steps wearing a path in the carpet. Blood that wouldn’t come out of my hands, worn carpet never letting me forget. I can never forget. The things I have done, the lives I have stolen. I feel a burn and see my hands are raw and red. I start picking at them. Maybe I can pick my sins away. My mom’s missing eye, just a socket. My little sister’s face…blue…unseeing….I deserve to have this thing take me away. TAKE ME AWAY! TAKE ME AWAY! Kneeling on the floor, knowing I can’t pray. I am unworthy. TAKE ME AWAY TAKE ME AWAY! I pick pick pick at my hands. Bleeding, raw. Take them AWAY TAKE THEM AWAY!
The Kayla thing takes a deep breath. Stands up slowly. Walks to the bathroom and washes her hands. Her mom stands in the bathroom. The Kayla thing looks at her.